Niamh Marron is performing at The Stand Comedy Club from January 2-4

A GOOD friend of mine, I don’t know if you know her – Oprah ... we were chatting one day through the TV, and she said: “You do better, when you know better.” Wise words like these should be plastered on a fridge magnet or tattooed on to faces.

To me, Oprah is the female, “alive” version of your God of choice. Living and learning is what life is all about. We only know how to do things better after we try them in the first place.

If anything, we all need to lose the fear of failure. In its absence we simply try more things and have more fun. Often, decisions motivated by fear are followed by feelings of disappointment, for not having had the guts to try. We tend also to feel jealousy towards others for having experienced something new and having had fun doing it. There can also be anger for having missed an opportunity. Without experience we only judge and assume. Neither are pleasant company.

To judge anyone on anything that you haven’t experienced yourself is quite funny, when you think about it.

With the powerful new year of 2020 ahead of us, trying to align our 20/20 vision for ourselves in the future isn’t easy. Take the pressure off yourself this new year by just trying each day to be a little better than you were the day before. If we strive for simply being better than yesterday, we can easily be proud of ourselves daily. What do you get with pride? Confidence. What do you get with confidence? The courage to try again and try harder.

Even if yesterday you had seven biscuits, today finish the tin! You can do it. Eat and drink as much as you want (responsibly, if you’re into that sort of thing) because you never know what kind of spread there’ll be in the next life.

The best advice I read recently was: “If you’re going to do something, do it fully.” That something could be nothing – if it is, enjoy every second of it and do absolutely NOTHING. Fully enjoy whatever experience you have in mind, otherwise you will ruin it by feeling guilty the entire time.

I’m talking: only get out of bed when you’ve had all the dreams and fantasies you can muster up. Don’t bother washing yourself at all – who thanks you for that? Most importantly, eat everything you’ve ever wanted this season. Personal trainers, gyms and exercise DVDs all exist for a reason. Here’s a lazy tip – throw on a few extra jumpers, the heat can sweat out the consumption overload without you having to move. When you’re in the biscuit tin, be fully emerged in the tin. Become one with the tin. The feeling of completion is amazing. Be in the moment as much as you can.

I opened a jar of Nutella when I started writing this and I am now finished the jar. Yes, that’s right – I am a legend.

We’ve all suffered the misfortune of investing emotionally in something that hasn’t worked out as we had hoped. My aim in the new year is to not let excitement take over logic anymore. The lesson I learned is trying not to get excited about anything, without being dead inside.

This is very difficult for me, as I’m a very passionate person with very little patience. I struggle to disguise my feelings, whether it’s happiness or anger. I’m like the Hulk, but more of a corned beef colour than green, and more soft skin, lady lumps than muscle. I thank my Irish and Scottish heritage for my wildling traits.

Nothing meaningful in life is easy. In the wise words of my other good friend, Whitney Houston: “Step by step, day by day,” you know the rest. Things take time, practice and patience, supposedly – which I of course find annoying. Attempts at positive change become practice and hopefully improvement.

This new year I am going to try to do the tiniest, simplest thing just that bit better each day. For example, if I want to eat chocolate, then I’ll go for anything that’s brown in the kitchen. Boy, have I learned lessons, especially when we got the dog. #HealthWarning: If it smells like crap, it’s probably crap!

Obviously, take all my advice with a pinch of salt, pepper and nuts. Some people love nuts, some people are allergic – take advice at your own risk.

I will be accepting jars of unopened Nutella at my gigs in exchange for hugs, the very first weekend of the new year, in The Stand, Glasgow.