Dear Janice,

I am celebrating a big birthday soon, and despite turning 60 years old, I feel as if I’ve still got a fair bit of fuel in my tank if you know what I mean.

The trouble is, I can’t really hide my age which is a major issue when chatting up younger women.

We hit the trendy bars, and even though I say it myself, I do have some brilliantly funny patter, it’s to no avail as women still go for my younger, more handsome mates.

At this rate, I might soon be relegated to the local bowling club if I don’t up my game.

I know it’s a huge step, but I’ve run out of ideas, so the question is, should I consider cosmetic surgery?

John.

Dear John,

You could seek out some ugly friends, but despite their good looks, I’m sure you love the camaraderie of your younger, more attractive mates.

Women love a sense of humour, but maybe you’re not as funny as you think you are, or perhaps they see your humour as a way of compensating for a shortfall in other areas if you know what I mean?

They might even sense an air of desperation.

Your looks are not the only thing this is about John, so forget invasive cosmetic surgery which will change your image, but not your character.

Going forward, might you consider chatting up women your own age, or even slightly older who are looking for more than a second-rate Billy Connolly?

It’s great that you still have a spark for life, but I think you need to take a good look at the qualities you have to offer. I’m sure underneath your fun and friendly exterior, you have many more virtues that you probably don’t even realise you have.

Keep in mind, women look for friendship, loyalty, attraction, and sincerity, not lame jokes and excess fuel. Good luck.

Dear Janice, How do you know when it’s the right time to ask someone out on a date?

I have been friends for a while with a lovely lady who is the same pub quiz team as me.

We seem to be on the same page, and I know she is on her own, and she knows I am too.

The thing that concerns me is that if I ask her out and she turns me down, it might make our friendship extremely awkward at the next quiz night.

We are not getting any younger, so should I bite the bullet and ask her, or leave well alone and enjoy her company on quiz nights only?

Peter.

Dear Peter,

Go for it. I know if you felt it was that easy, you would have done so already, but I think you are overthinking the situation.

Facts are, you both like each other. You both have things in common. You are both on your own, and you are both at an age when people and opportunities don’t present themselves as often as they once did.

Next time when your quiz has finished, ask her if she would like to meet up for a coffee. This won’t seem like a heavy date, just two friends meeting for a chat.

Then, drop into the conversation places you like to visit, films you like to see, days out you’ve been thinking about etc, and wait for her reaction. If she is keen, I’ve no doubt she will take you up on one of these activities.

Worst case scenario and she is not interested, then all you have done is suggest spending casual time together, not walk her down the aisle, therefore no one need be embarrassed.

Dear Janice,

My wife and I have been watching adult movies to spice up our sex life, and so far, it’s working. It has brought us closer, and we look forward to our Saturday nights of fun and frolics.

We have discovered that we enjoy watching three-some’s and I am wondering if I should ask her if this is something she would consider trying out.

Do you think she would be insulted?

I know it could backfire massively, but if not, it would certainly add excitement to our Saturday nights.

What do you think?

V.

Dear V,

She might love watching horror movies, but does that mean she’ll want to re-enact one?

I doubt it.

You are enjoying each other intimately and that’s not something every married couple has the pleasure of, for one reason or another.

Adding another person into the pot could, as you have alluded to, backfire big time and you may wish you had left well alone.

This isn’t something you can simply try because once you open Pandoras Box, your relationship with you wife will never quite be the same.

You can’t backtrack on the sex you’ve had with someone else or obliterate the memory of the third person you have introduced into your lives in such an intimate way.

Ask yourself this. What if your wife falls in love with the third part of your three-some, whether it be male or female?

What if your sex life becomes boring without a third person?

There are so many things that could go wrong.

Enjoy what you have going on with your wife and keep your fantasy as just that. A fantasy.