A 'Fermers version' of The Address to the Haggis, written by Kelly Stuart
Fair fa yer honest, bright reed face
This ferming life, we embrace
Aboon a, Lettoch is oor workplace
Live, breath n ferm
We must be off oor heads to be in this rat race
for a 30 year term!
We moan n groan, when the post leave anither bill
The royal bank say, the balance is nil
Yer custom, would help, to mend n fill
In time o need
Dinna buy beef fae Brazil
Scottish fermers hiv to succeed
Our lives see rustic labour a nicht
Calving coos n pulling wi a yer micht
The hurdies are stuck, and we pray it’ll be a richt
Push ye bitch!
And then... what a glorious sicht
Warm... reeking... and a chance o being rich!
Then o what a surprise, the bugger taks scour and mightna survive
As well as refusing to sook, n noo its milk deprived
Its eens sunkin in, and to save it we strive
The mood is glum!
Ony ideas o being rich hiv teen a nose dive
N to death is dis succumb
The dissapointment turns the air blue
I said the ither day we hidna lost een yet, so this is right on cue
Theres a spare calf, n we’ll jist hae to mak do
Whit a perfect scunner!!
Looks doon at it n thinks well... F*CK you!
What a bummer!
Poor Devil!! And jist we that, there’s a rumble n crash
Fits gan on, there’s a hell of a stramash
The coos teen milk fever, n went doon in a flash
Noo, she’s lying in the shit!
What a bloody hash...
cause the twinned on calf’s... lying... under it!
But mark oor hill fermers, born n bred
Even though, their sheeps... life ambition... is to be dead!
Jagging n dozing n dipping n clipping and lambing, are a the jobs that fill ye wi dread
But ferming, its in yer bones!!
Tho you need to hiv a good head
To pay aff a yer loans!
Ye powrs in Parliament n Hollyrood, fa pretend to care
sitting on yer erse a day, n dishing oot rules that are’na fair
Us fermers, jist want a decent price for oor wear
There’s vegan twits oot there determined to shaggis!!
But, if ye wish oor gratefu prayer
Force feed them... A HAGGIS!
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